Orion Cervio’s
…prose is crystal
clear, his eyes are full of knowing, his coat has that Hi-Pro glow,
and he’s been holding out on you and me, his loyal and adoring public.
He has been writing and not telling. So we have tracked him down and
forced him to give us some monsters and fruit. Then we wrestled him to
the ground yelling, “Where’re your puns now, Mother Teresa?”  |
Troy Gains
…is a communist with
a serious dick fetish. So there. |
Elisa Romero McCullough
…is a
two time cover artist, and favorite of one and all at Sedition.com.
This press and editor owe her much. She is currently unreachable as
she’s on an important expedition chartered by the National Geographic
Society. We’ll be able to get in touch with her just as soon as they
install modem lines in Hell.  |
Ken Spafford
..has been a cheerleader for the Chicago Cubs and a posterboy the Erie, PA Chamber of Commerce. Recently he’s embarkened upon the long and winding road to the White House by enrolling in law school. We at Sedition.com are wielding our political influence to get him a White House internship (Hillary will have to supply her own dental dams). |
…is your worst nightmare: a nigger with a badge. If you are in love
with words and feel like making a little love with us, please send a
submission. |
Anonymous
…is a mystery that
can’t easily be solved. We look to our good friend Sherlock Holmes for
help. Once you’ve ruled out the obvious possibilities, whatever
remains, no matter how ridiculous or improbable, has to be the answer.
Therefore we’re guessing that this writer is Al Gore. |
Barnaby Hazen
…has been
through many changes lately, and Huggies ain’t cheap. Fat Bastard is
the fattest of the fat girls, the dasterdest of the bastardest, the
flippest of the flip. His major contributions include the Flip Side and co-authorship of the the Devil’s Dictionary X™. When told that
he has been living hand to mouth of late this press did the right
thing. We bought him a fork.  |
Ladies and Gentlemen…
Neil
Hamilton 
|
Ashley Pond V
…is so goddamn
tired of writing metatags that he claims to be on the verge of
beginning to pay the writers at majenta. This announcement has
brought an upbeat Christmas mood to the building as he’s never
… … seldom been known to say… … never
misled …a man who keeps… … …always
followed through with
…no one believed him for a second.
 |
THINGS not
APPEARING IN THE NEXT ISSUE
- Naked pictures of Anthony Kiedis w/ your grandma
- Brilliant and tasteful columns by our new staff
- Documentation
of the existence of God
- An interview with a vampire
|
- 12 ways to make
sure you never hurt anyone’s feelings
- Good spelling
- Do it
yourself lobotomy
- Things you’ll like
|
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